entry: 9/1/12

I just want to give a special shout outs to the construction team that was doing work in the hallway with a sledgehammer at 8am. Thank you. I appreciate waking up to a dream that special ops were trying to kick down my door. one love.

Later in the  day, Me and Toye got into it with the taxi driver. Me being the mean one had a verbal exchange with him despite either of us speaking each others language. so it went a bit like this

Driver –获得他妈的外国人!!!!!!!!

Me– wait..wait hold up, who do you think you’re talking too????

entry: July 4th, 2012

I’ve been living in china for 8 months playing it every day. I’m so good I can sign language ‘important’ and get people to understand. what!

Random thought: I need to put sand paper on my door because GO AWAY does not translate in mandarin.

Its fourth of july and I have this sudden urge to go decked out in red white and blue stars and stripe pants, shirt and shoes. lookin like uncle sam. make a whole lot of chinese mad. stomp around their turf wrapped in an american flag, like what’s going on guys? when yall gon’ vote, oh oops. LOL. happy 4th. Im kidding Im kidding, actually I dont give a shit.

Random thought II: Bet you can’t fall asleep butt naked on a bare mattress!!!!!!!….because study show 90% of humans can only fall sleep, with some type of cover. Its a subconscious way of feeling secure in your most vulnerable state.

entry: 5/28/12

Back in Qingdao, and um, Ive had this carton of milk in my frig for like a month. I opened it and it wasn’t bad, no smell, no lumps, nothing. Now I’m curious as to what is in my chinese milk. Surely that can’t be a good sign.

You know you’re back in China when:  the left lane to make a left turn, rushes to turn ( per law like the rest of the world its yield lol) before oncoming traffic, cutting everyone off,  including buses, women and children. Just cut all of them off, who cares. and the third car that tries to beat the oncoming traffic squeezes in so tight he’s driving in between people crossing the street, dodging cars hahaha

this milk doesnt go bad. hmmm

entry: 5/26/12

Big ups the korean mama-san and the itaewon pimp that kept buying me rum and cokes despite being extreme light weights and stumbling about breaking damn near every glass in  the pool hall. Im from china trick, we heavyweights. Korea aint got nothing on what we do in Qingdao. I felt kinda bad for them. lololol The koreans were very embarrassed toward their behavior, but to me, this was every day chinese behavior – seeing people unable to walk, spilling all over the side walks, an every day in good ol Qingdao. *shrugs*.

Im staying in a love motel, hilarious how they try to mask it, yea because I cant see the business guys over 40 with 20 year olds running around. OK. Anyways I got a chance to catch the Mayweather fight against Cotto, and then linked up with my boy Bernard and his gf. They took me to a nice restaurant where I got a chance to eat some steak. mmmm. Its been awhile.

Bernard and his gf

entry: 4/1/12

I wish all public bathrooms were like 5 star bathrooms, with automatic flush and faucets, ambient music, automatic scent releaser, with a doorman that gives you assorted mints. Instead, the public bathroom reek of dead body, piss hole in the ground, no soap, no flush, no paper towel, and a slippery floor that if you slip, you will catch sars.

Story,

Normally I don’t take a shat in public restrooms I wait until I get home, but I had some bad mussels or something, and the bubblies struck me. In 2.5 seconds I went from -_- to O_O.  I get in there, and I’m like uh oh.

The floors are always slippery, so imagine how carefully you must walk because one mistake and it’ll be a life changing experience. I cant really tell if its water, or ancient old piss which of course since they dont use bleach, is probably piss with water rinsed around. Imagine how I felt when I notice my shoe laces were untied and  had been dragged across the piss wet bathroom floor, yep :sigh:. At this point I just realized I’d never actually used the hole to shit in before, I pause for a second, like wow I’m going to actually squat, which is tough to do when the floor feels like its covered in vegetable oil and youre partially paralyzed, the closer you squat the bigger whiff of that god awful sewage you get. I felt so stupid, confused, dumb, mad, worried. It doesn’t even make sense, the hole is so small while the plate is so big, by default the shit lands on the plate, the smell resonates since it’s just there. You try to flush, pffftt, chinese plumbing is piss weak, it’s literally like trying to spray down shit with a 50 cent water gun. Then when you’re done, better have toilet paper playboy because none of the bathrooms have them. I should also add, again, the floors are very very slippery with years of  piss, it’s so potent you can taste it, it stays in your sinus for an hour. Alas there I am texting my friend to bring me some toilet paper from across the street, waiting there marinating in that awfulness for 5-10 min.  Nevermind there was no soap to wash my hands after.

I dread going in the public restrooms here, but I have too because I’m always drinking big ass 500ml beers for 75 cents. Seriously Im considering switching to wine just so I dont have to go. You can’t get used to that smell, you just have to hold your lungs like a professional scuba diver. I’m a master now.