I went to the hospital. mens restroom was like satans restroom

entry: 9/2/12

I went to the hospital. mens restroom was like satans restroom, so I went to the ladies restroom…thats where I saw the biggest pile of dump I’ve ever seen humanly possible. It looked like an elephant took it. She clearly needed to be there. Oh and it wasn’t in a western style toilet, it was on the chinese kind, which pretty much means the floor. I need a vacation.

entry: 9/3/12

Didn’t even care today, slept thru the drilling, the mini TnT, the sledgehammer, the walls shaking. I can officially sleep through a war. I have been hardened. +1 Knox.

entry: 9/4/12

It’s like you get used to the construction only for them to get louder more aggressive the next day. X-/ -1 Knox

entry: 9/5/12

her: how old are you?
me: 31 in a month
her: are you married?
me: no
her: kids?
me: no
her: wtf are you doing with your life?
me: living exceptionally well because of neither. lol.

entry: 9/18/12

Great. They closed the Jusco (supermarket) downstairs because of protests. Now there’s military police with water cannons guarding it. Luckily Qingdao hasn’t been too bad, but you can feel the nationalism. I just muttered the word Japanese in my lobby and people gave me a sharp stares. Crazy.

entry: 9/19/12

So every day between the hours of 8-9pm, these old chinese women are doing tai chi and yoga in front of the mall with chinese music playing on a PA which can be heard a good 2 block radius. Now, I’m not against ethnic music, I’ve traveled many places and can appreciate most. But chinese music is hands down some of the worst piece of music ever. It’s sounds like 2 cats in heat. Read this exactly how I write it. MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOOOOOOW – MEOW ME-OW – ME-OW MEOW MEEE-OW MEEEEEEOOOOOOOOW – MEOW MEOW ME-OOOWWWW. i just typed what I just heard pumping into my window. Every day at this time, when I hear the meows, I get up and close my window. *hater mode*

random thought: I don’t know why they call it common sense, because it’s not so common. – Knox

entry: 9/25/12

I used to complain about U.S customer service, but after living abroad, HA. not a chance. I just ordered supplies to arrive home when I get there, and the response time of those emails were within 5 minutes! Booked my appointments, done within 3 minutes. If you live in the States, you need to STFU and appreciate how easy it is to get things done. Like baby spooning. Ok ok ok I’ll call it efficiency. So quick and effective, even when it’s slow I’ll consider it fast. Today, I’m going to go to an empty bank, spend an hour having my passport passed around by 4-5 people, bit of mickey mouse gesturing from all of the above, few irrelevant questions, few bystanders like the bored security guard and receptionist, until someone ‘remembers’ how to make a transaction. Whereas in the States, it’s like GIMME YOUR CARD, HERES YOUR MONEY, NOW GTFO! I miss that.

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I wish I was a hand, so my occupation could be handing out slaps.

entry: 9/1/12

I just want to give a special shout outs to the construction team that was doing work in the hallway with a sledgehammer at 8am. Thank you. I appreciate waking up to a dream that special ops were trying to kick down my door. one love.

Later in the  day, Me and Toye got into it with the taxi driver. Me being the mean one had a verbal exchange with him despite either of us speaking each others language. so it went a bit like this

Driver –获得他妈的外国人!!!!!!!!

Me– wait..wait hold up, who do you think you’re talking too????

Driver – 你!!!!!! 狗外国人!!!!!!!

Me–how about I %#$#%%#$ you #%&@%#$@????

Driver–是什么呢????????????? 我吗??????????

Driver — 拧你,你的母亲,祖先,全家好吗!

Me– oh really?????? me???? *humping gesture* @%# I will $@%$@%#!!!!!!!

Driver– 狗!!!!!!!!

Me– *finger* a@@h@l@!!!!!!!!

Driver–你的母亲!!!!! *humping gesture*

Me– @#$# you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Driver — *go away gesture*

Me– *snatches change from his hand*

Me and some lady got into a mad dogging mean mugging contest – That QD liquor got folks feeling immortal.

entry: 8/1/12

Both of our eyebrows were down. locked and focused. I then flipped it and put on a thizz face (google it) like I just took a bite out of a lemon. She got scared and put an extra gear in her step. + 1 Knox.

QD liquor got folks thinking they’re immortal. Got folks getting carried out the club by their limbs. Got folks splashing on the ground. Got folks spilling onto the streets. Got chicks dancing on poles. Got dudes taking home loosy goosyes. That QD liquor wild. haha

random thought: apparently if you microwave a boiled egg it explodes into a million pieces. who knew. *shrugs*

Don’t you hate when someones breath smells, you offer them some gum or mints and they decline. It’s like take the god damn mint god dammit! thats that shit I don’t like. Breath smelling like fish soup, tofu, and mushrooms, jesus, then want to be all up in my face breathing in my nostrils and shit. Pisses me off.

beer festival has began in qingdao. yea, we start young out here *shrugs*

Chinese woman v2.0

entry: 7/12/12

Helps with dishes and errands while the phone is attached to the ear THE WHOLE TIME. Its kind of impressive actually. see pic below.

on a different note:

You know why I don’t give chinese people eye contact anymore? because they seem to think that means I know mandarin.

Them: NI HAO MA, NI SHI NAI REN?
Me: MEIYOU

Earlier today I got a little visit. Good to know that when you’re cooking and the ‘silent’ smoke alarm goes off, it alerts the security team down stairs. That’s actually pretty cool. and I didn’t understand a lick of what he said except lunch and window. Pretty sure that’s all he understood when I told him the window and vent were both open. china, where single words can translate an entire sentence lol. ps.

I didn’t burn anything, I was frying something. 😡

I found a great picture of the block/building I stay in. I’m in the building to the right

candice multitasking.

I don’t speak chinese, doesn’t matter….I’m the charades master.

entry: July 4th, 2012

I’ve been living in china for 8 months playing it every day. I’m so good I can sign language ‘important’ and get people to understand. what!

Random thought: I need to put sand paper on my door because GO AWAY does not translate in mandarin.

Its fourth of july and I have this sudden urge to go decked out in red white and blue stars and stripe pants, shirt and shoes. lookin like uncle sam. make a whole lot of chinese mad. stomp around their turf wrapped in an american flag, like what’s going on guys? when yall gon’ vote, oh oops. LOL. happy 4th. Im kidding Im kidding, actually I dont give a shit.

Random thought II: Bet you can’t fall asleep butt naked on a bare mattress!!!!!!!….because study show 90% of humans can only fall sleep, with some type of cover. Its a subconscious way of feeling secure in your most vulnerable state.