entry: 4/1/12

I wish all public bathrooms were like 5 star bathrooms, with automatic flush and faucets, ambient music, automatic scent releaser, with a doorman that gives you assorted mints. Instead, the public bathroom reek of dead body, piss hole in the ground, no soap, no flush, no paper towel, and a slippery floor that if you slip, you will catch sars.

Story,

Normally I don’t take a shat in public restrooms I wait until I get home, but I had some bad mussels or something, and the bubblies struck me. In 2.5 seconds I went from -_- to O_O.  I get in there, and I’m like uh oh.

The floors are always slippery, so imagine how carefully you must walk because one mistake and it’ll be a life changing experience. I cant really tell if its water, or ancient old piss which of course since they dont use bleach, is probably piss with water rinsed around. Imagine how I felt when I notice my shoe laces were untied and  had been dragged across the piss wet bathroom floor, yep :sigh:. At this point I just realized I’d never actually used the hole to shit in before, I pause for a second, like wow I’m going to actually squat, which is tough to do when the floor feels like its covered in vegetable oil and youre partially paralyzed, the closer you squat the bigger whiff of that god awful sewage you get. I felt so stupid, confused, dumb, mad, worried. It doesn’t even make sense, the hole is so small while the plate is so big, by default the shit lands on the plate, the smell resonates since it’s just there. You try to flush, pffftt, chinese plumbing is piss weak, it’s literally like trying to spray down shit with a 50 cent water gun. Then when you’re done, better have toilet paper playboy because none of the bathrooms have them. I should also add, again, the floors are very very slippery with years of  piss, it’s so potent you can taste it, it stays in your sinus for an hour. Alas there I am texting my friend to bring me some toilet paper from across the street, waiting there marinating in that awfulness for 5-10 min.  Nevermind there was no soap to wash my hands after.

I dread going in the public restrooms here, but I have too because I’m always drinking big ass 500ml beers for 75 cents. Seriously Im considering switching to wine just so I dont have to go. You can’t get used to that smell, you just have to hold your lungs like a professional scuba diver. I’m a master now.