New Tatt: Night Owl

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Did you eat?

I really, really hate when people ask me if I ate. Unless you plan on whipping up a meal don’t ask me this stupid question. If I did, what? if I didn’t what? you gonna whip something up? because if not, don’t ask me this dumb ass question. My stomach will remind me to eat, you don’t need to ask. I can assure you, that my body will tell me that it needs calories to survive, I don’t need another human being to curiously ask me if its been filled. Do I ask you “you put gas in your car this afternoon? make sure to put gas in your car”   I know it’s courtesy in some cultures, to show you care, yea well in my culture its a dumb ass question. How about a more in depth question? “What has been filling your mind these past 3 days”  see? now thats a good one huh? ffs

I live in the Philippines

I never did update my website to inform that I live in Manila now. I have been here since June, so about 4 months and its been the best move I’ve made thus far. Things have been going good and  I plan to buy a house in 2020, yes, I will be here long term. Warm weather, warm people whom speak english, cheap cost of living, and general courtesy that I have missed all these years. Random fact: Outside of North America, Philippines have the most american expats in the world.

 

Anyways I guess I should change my bio to ‘welcome to manila’.   I have begun a new chapter in a new country, and I’m happy.

Never try a new burger in China

Every so often the chinese will present a new burger of some sort at one of their fast food chains (McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC), think McRib or some other new ‘limited time only’ specials in the U.S. Now, in the U.S,  usually the new limited time only specials are something epic, I mean think about how popular the McRib is, they’ve made a damn Simpson episode about it. Well, that just isn’t the case in china, 10 out of 10 their new burgers or specials are something utterly terrible. I feel as though I’m being trolled or someone just sat in a meeting room thought long and hard about the most random and most disgusting burger they can come up with, because I think, to them, that is what we westerners eat, random combination of ingredients. I don’t think they realize there’s a science to it, actual flavors that have been proven to mesh via decades if not centuries of  trial and error.

I see a new burger at Burger King, but every year I forget not to try any new burgers and to stick to the regular stuff  like a chicken burger made with confetti lettuce (it probably is made out of paper for all I know), but you get sick of the stuff and sometimes you  see something new and because back home you’re programmed to assume the ‘limited time only special’ will be good, you try it. The burger, with what looks like a thick chicken patty, thick cheddar cheese and some sauces looked quite good in the picture, couldn’t read it, just assumed that’s what it was and that it would taste great —WRONG—WRONG. The thick chicken patty was a very small thin layer of fish, the thick cheddar cheese were thick slices of mango, and the sauces were what appeared to be shredded shrimp and ketchup. ABSOLUTELY FOUL. Now at this point my taste buds are confused and my brain is sending a signal of anger. How? Why? Who? I ask my gf if mango and fish are a common combination in china…she says no. THEN WHY, WHY DOES THIS BURGER HAVE IT? I swear, they are just fucking around and trolling at this point. This doesn’t make sense. This is about as dumb as the time I went to the “Burrito” spot and the guy gave me tacos that had slices of almonds in it, and a burrito that had corn, egg plants and I think apricot (I’m not kidding),  or the time I went to a fish and chips place and she used soy sauce instead of tartar. This is an abomination! No one taught them to do this, they are just making stuff up,  mixing them in dishes for absolutely no reason.

This is why  I can’t wait to go home in 2 months. It’s been a little over 2 years since I’ve been home. I am hungry, starving, losing weight, I just want something that taste normal. Is that so hard? Is a beef patty with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and onions that difficult? Is a burrito with carne asada, salsa and cilantro too much to ask? If these lazy ass foreigners aren’t going to open any new restaurants out here (excluding italians), I may just have too, seriously  this makes no sense.

Just got back from India.

Not really in the mood to upload them to this site, but you can find photos @ instagram.com/travelingknox

It was quite an interesting experience. Exactly what I expected. The food was good, the roads were hectic and monuments were ancient. People were friendly but the customer service sucked (funny how they’ve outsourced our customer service there). I saw wild cows and dogs on the road, and found out new dehli was predominately hindu and muslim, not as many buddhists nor Gautama statues as I anticipated.

The tipping culture reminded me that of the U.S which threw me off since I haven’t been in a tipping culture in over 5 years and haven’t been back to the U.S in 2, so having to dig in my pocket to fork over 15% was a little annoying but luckily it was just rupees and the conversion rate is crazy. Speaking of conversion, you’ll of course go shopping and get haggled, have people following you around asking for money (they put extra effort into tourists of course) and you’ll find out that you can bargain prices of items down to damn near 60%, which makes you skeptical of every negotiation you have.

All in all, nothing I haven’t dealt with, and I recommend everyone at least visit once in their life.

I’ve never seen a 1 on 1 fight here

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A friend of mine talked about how he witnessed a fight break out last week new year’s eve,  some guy got stomped out something vicious, we talked about why did the guy need to get jumped since the argument was between him and one other guy, and his friends really didn’t have to jump in, the guy was much smaller. This lead to a discussion, we’ve never witnessed a one on one fight here in China. Whether it be chinese vs chinese and/or ESPECIALLY  foreigner vs chinese. You (foreigner) could be getting into an argument with a stranger and if words start going south, the chinese will come out of the woodworks, across the street, manholes, balconies, everywhere, and they will more than likely side with the chinese person even if he is at fault (you might get lucky and have a good samaritan that will try to get you out of the jam and make an opening to flee), but chances are…you’re going to take a proper beating and you won’t stand a chance, it’ll be like a Bruce Lee movie except you’re not Bruce Lee and the pack of men whoop your ass.

I can sort of understand why they’d do it against foreigners especially with the history of humilation via various occupations, but I can’t quite comprehend why they do it to each other. They will get into an argument and both parties will literally jump on the phone and call their squad, next thing you know there’s 5 min of shouting and then a dozen guys show up from all sides, and if they don’t call friends, doesn’t matter, strangers will take sides and duke it out, they’ll literally fill the vacuum hahaha. It’s as though no one wants to be embarassed running a fair fight and losing so to assure it doesn’t happen, they call their family, clan, friends, classmates, and summon ancestors from 10,000 years ago. Amazing. Don’t get into fights out here unless you’re mobbing deep.

On a different note: HAPPY NEW YEAR. This is my first blog of 2017. So many new beginnings, I now have a podcast! make sure to subscribe! https://www.youtube.com/c/GoodbyeChinaPodcast

I also have a new track with Ms.Kirin whom I will now be co-producing with. She asked me to teach her how to produce a year or so ago, and then made a couple of beats and we’ve decided to join forces. Our first track.

Just recorded my first podcast.

Just recorded my first podcast. Have some editing to do but Episode 1 will be uploaded tomorrow or the day after. Funny reactions to chinese videos you probably don’t have access too and stories about living in china coming soon. Shout outs to my guest Josh, it was only supposed to be a 45min podcast but ended up being a 4 hours podcast, way too much fun.

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Chinese drivers forced to stare at full beam headlights for 1 minute in an eye for an eye punishment, implemented by the govt.

You know it’s bad when the govt has to treat you like a child and punish you not  with fines, but with an eye for an eye punishment. I have seen these drivers I know them well, about 50% of drivers on the road put them on while driving at night, because these idiots are blind and are using what is intended for heavy fog, on a clear evening. I sometimes wonder if the lack of  night vision is because of the indoor homes having these terrible blue fluorescent lights that make your house look like you’re in a surgery room, or if its because chinese pedestrians are notorious for jumping in front of cars to get hit and sue for cash in a get rich quick scheme. All in all I not only find this funny, I sort of support it, even though I can only imagine the type of accidents that will occur AFTER the driver is allowed to peel away after having just stared at a high beam for 1 solid min. OOOPPPPSSS.  Welcome to China.

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http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/chinese-drivers-forced-to-stare-at-full-beam-headlights-in-eye-for-an-eye-punishment-for-those-who-9659736.html