Chinese bathrooms: That smell tho.

entry: 4/1/12

I wish all public bathrooms were like 5 star bathrooms, with automatic flush and faucets, ambient music, automatic scent releaser, with a doorman that gives you assorted mints. Instead, the public bathroom reek of dead body, piss hole in the ground, no soap, no flush, no paper towel, and a slippery floor that if you slip, you will catch sars.

Story,

Normally I don’t take a shat in public restrooms I wait until I get home, but I had some bad mussels or something, and the bubblies struck me. In 2.5 seconds I went from -_- to O_O.  I get in there, and I’m like uh oh.

The floors are always slippery, so imagine how carefully you must walk because one mistake and it’ll be a life changing experience. I cant really tell if its water, or ancient old piss which of course since they dont use bleach, is probably piss with water rinsed around. Imagine how I felt when I notice my shoe laces were untied and  had been dragged across the piss wet bathroom floor, yep :sigh:. At this point I just realized I’d never actually used the hole to shit in before, I pause for a second, like wow I’m going to actually squat, which is tough to do when the floor feels like its covered in vegetable oil and youre partially paralyzed, the closer you squat the bigger whiff of that god awful sewage you get. I felt so stupid, confused, dumb, mad, worried. It doesn’t even make sense, the hole is so small while the plate is so big, by default the shit lands on the plate, the smell resonates since it’s just there. You try to flush, pffftt, chinese plumbing is piss weak, it’s literally like trying to spray down shit with a 50 cent water gun. Then when you’re done, better have toilet paper playboy because none of the bathrooms have them. I should also add, again, the floors are very very slippery with years of  piss, it’s so potent you can taste it, it stays in your sinus for an hour. Alas there I am texting my friend to bring me some toilet paper from across the street, waiting there marinating in that awfulness for 5-10 min.  Nevermind there was no soap to wash my hands after. O_o

I dread going in the public restrooms here, but I have too because I’m always drinking big ass 500ml beers for 75 cents. Seriously Im considering switching to wine just so I dont have to go. You can’t get used to that smell, you just have to hold your lungs like a professional scuba diver. I’m a master now.

Woke up to construction workers drilling my wall. Masculinity tested.

Entry: 3/21/12

Woke up to construction workers drilling into my wall, granted, I wake up to construction work every day (I’m serious), but this one made me scream like a japanese school girl :*(. Thank god I didnt have anyone over, because she would have lost all respect for my masculinity; how high pitched and loud my scream was and the way I fought off those sheets…:facepalm:. I swear to god, it sounded like they were drilling into solid copper, RIGHT INTO MY EAR!!!!! Imagine a loud CLAAANNNNNGG BRRRRRRR CLAAAANG out of no where! while youre nicely tucked in snuggling your pillow, embedded into your fluffy bed like a soft cloud then BAM! My heart was hurting so bad I thought maybe, just maybe, I was hearing death. Like in the middle of the nite someone shot me in the head and thats the noise it made. I was too scared and my heart hurt too much to muster up anger. I just sat there with a confused look, blood shot eyes, morning crust and loud drilling for a good 10 min. They stopped shortly after.

IMG_1087

photo by knox

Construction: It’s a part of living in a country that is always building and have no regulations. I’ve learned to sleep with studio headphones on.

And I’m back from Yantai. That food poisoning tho.

entry: 3/11/12

Good times. Highlights include hot springs and jumping a 6 ft wall partially paralyzed. Proof you can make wise and dumb decisions within a matter of moments lol. Also learned Bai jiu (chinese rice hard liquor) is dangerous.

Today is the first day having a real appetite since friday’s food poisoning episode in Yantai. I’m scarfing down chocolate sprinkle donuts like there’s no tomorrow. That food poisoning was lethal tho. Bad case of projectile vomit. Looked like a super soaker, coming out like fffffffsssssuugggghhhffffffsssss *birds move out the way* ffffffsssssss*bucket tips over from force* noo uugghhhummfffssssssss, like I could spray down the driveway, it was amazing. The sharp pain in my gut for about 12 hours was very revealing and revitalizing. Bad chinese chicken = life changing. : Confucius 1:23:

Quote of the day: “I heard stripping butt naked while getting a beat down always stops the fight. Who fights a naked person anyway?” LOL

Back in Qingdao

entry: 2/13/12

Back in Qingdao. A city that gives you so many feelings and thoughts at once. It may not be as organized as Seoul, but there’s no denying it has a certain charm to it. It’s people are shy with a dash of innocence, they are extremely inquisitive yet friendly, they will smile when smiled upon, but are lost when ordered. Most importantly, Qingdaonese will put a smile on your face without even trying.

Chinese New Years. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever experienced in my life

entry: 1/23/12

Fireworks since 6:45am til now 8:45am and it’s snowing outside. NYE was a week ago, but the explosion go on and on for a week to 10 days at all hours, yes ALL HOURS after. It’s the mornings that piss me  off the most. Fuckingassholes, had a dream a rogue communist tank was smashing through shibei only to wake up to fireworks. lol

about 5 yards from my window.

Chinese women are kinda off. (other random rants)

entry: 1/13/12

Chinese chicks are kinda off. Not that women in general aren’t off, but this is like a different kinda off. Hard to explain but I’m not exactly sure getting used to it is healthy either. I play the game, but jesus help us all. Yes. I am dating my first chinese girl. Bella. and the cultural differences are apparent. Ill get into this further in future blogs.

Me and Bella

Also,  I knew this day would come, but when it did I was in shock. This korean restaurant we went too last night……served dog. I thought I’d be whatever about it, but I got all quiet when they told me. “Mark are you ok, is everything ok” hahaha I was like damn. I actually stopped eating as well.

You know what’s funny, is I find myself feeling a bit strange and uneasy about the lack of local authorities, yet nothing ever happens around here. I wonder why I have this ‘uneasy feeling’ and I’ve come to the conclusion that It’s because I grew up in a police state, so now with no police around, I feel like something should go down any minute. but. nothing. then you think about the U.S and they’ve got the most organized police forces in the world, like LAPD, and there’s still 890 murders a year. Aint that somethin. Don’t get me wrong tho, god forbid we have Qingdao PD replace LAPD, LA would turn into Katrina within 24 hours, but how is it americans think communist china is a police state, when in actuality it’s YOU ALL that live in a police state. Freedom with 8 million laws behind it. *chin stroke*

Asia = Twilight Zone TAKE 4 — I just realized this is the first time I’ve ever lived on the east coast….YET I’m still married to the pacific ocean. WEIRD.

Use the Calendar. Pages start from bottom to top/oldest to newest

entry: 12-12-11 –  Playing pool with crowds and random visitors.

I was playing pool yesterday, and the manager/owner walks up, they start talking to Chen in chinese while looking at me. uh oh! Gonna get hauled away! here it comes! Then he goes in his jacket and pulls out a gold VIP card. Basically I no longer have to pay for pool EVER and they love and would enjoy to have my presence as much as possible. AINT THAT SOME SHIT. Never going back home screw all yall. I get treated right over here. *pops collar and dougies*

An hour later, I was playing pool against a random chinese kid and a crowd of 10 people huddle around us to watch. Damn, it gets pretty crazy being the only the black dude around here. I’m used to it, but sometimes it gets a bit insane. Also a random chick on the basement level noticed me and a friend were lost, she knew my apartment number wtf.


random situation this morning:

*wakes up to salesman *

salesman: nihao
me: nihao (in my thickest most accurate mandarin)
salesman: do you speak chinese?
me: *sarcastic stare* I speak perfect chinese (in my non sugar coated english)
salesman: *chinese rambling*
me: dui (yes)
salesman: *chinese rambling*
me: dui (yes)
salesman: *chinese rambling*
me: dui (yes)
salesman: *pause*
me: *blank stare*
salesman: walks away