knox

Chinese bars and chinese products.

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entry: 3/18/12

Chinese hard drives are made out of potato chips. Am I seriously about to go thru my third one in a month? This format better work or I’m working off my external from here on out. Or til I can get to an apple store.

Bars in QD are usually full til about midnight, that’s when the Chinese start dropping like flies. By 3 it’s mostly westerners with a couple of Chinese guys passed out in a corner. Haha. They can not hold their liquor for the life of them. They have this little thing called *ganbei* which ultimately means *chug/drink it all*. but heres the thing, they do this with everything: beer, spirits, red wine, and combined. After about 45 min, theyre completely hammered. It is chinese culture to ganbei with you, buy you all the liquor and pretty much try to drink you under the table, while failing miserably because us westerners are quite accustomed to drinking since bars have been a part of our culture since god knows when.

I remember being invited to a friends house for dinner and her dad just kept going and going, mind you, I had to meet up with friends at a bar after this dinner, so I was trying to pace myself, enjoy my beer, leave room for the food, but he kept saying no no no ganbei, you must ganbei, Im like look man, just save your beer cause I can drink like a fish and youre just going to pass out, and sure enough he was hugging the toilet like it was his newly found best friend by 11pm. I, of course, continued on to the bar. That is where I saw one couple, yes both the guy and the girl, being carried out like freshly hunted game by their limbs, covered in their own vomit. 3 chinese guys offered me drinks, and of course they ganbei, and next thing I know 2 go to the bathroom and never come back out. Lets not get into what I see outside my apartment complex at this time. Literally everybody and their mother stumbling back home, women being carried, youd have thought there was a natural disaster and red cross needed to be called in. Hilarious.

MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!
MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!

Really bruh? you drunk and the sun still up? you drunk in the MIDDLE of dinner? smh.

Really bruh? you drunk and the sun still up? you drunk in the MIDDLE of dinner? smh.

Chinese drivers are awful.

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Can someone explain to me how you crash into a car that is on the opposite side making a left turn when youre in the left lane turning in the opposite direction? absolutely brilliant. I have seen some shit you wouldnt believe. I once saw a car on the freeway miss its exit, hit the car in reverse to get back to it. LOL. Ive also seen a car stop smack in the fast lane, I always thought pulling over to the furthest right hand lane (if there isnt an emergency lane) was universal. apparently not. Ive also had Chen stop in front of a freeway exit to grab some cigs, oh and he also parked his car on the wrong side of the road, in front of oncoming traffic. think Im lying? picture below. Im not making this stuff up.

how?


parked on the wrong side of the road in front of oncoming traffic. O_O

And I’m back from Yantai. That food poisoning tho.

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entry: 3/11/12

Good times. Highlights include hot springs and jumping a 6 ft wall partially paralyzed. Proof you can make wise and dumb decisions within a matter of moments lol. Also learned Bai jiu (chinese rice hard liquor) is dangerous.

Today is the first day having a real appetite since friday’s food poisoning episode in Yantai. I’m scarfing down chocolate sprinkle donuts like there’s no tomorrow. That food poisoning was lethal tho. Bad case of projectile vomit. Looked like a super soaker, coming out like fffffffsssssuugggghhhffffffsssss *birds move out the way* ffffffsssssss*bucket tips over from force* noo uugghhhummfffssssssss, like I could spray down the driveway, it was amazing. The sharp pain in my gut for about 12 hours was very revealing and revitalizing. Bad chinese chicken = life changing. : Confucius 1:23:

Quote of the day: “I heard stripping butt naked while getting a beat down always stops the fight. Who fights a naked person anyway?” LOL

Valentines in China? wtf?

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entry: 2/14/12

How am I getting sucked into valentine’s day in China? Who taught them this holiday gah! I thought I was cooking just to cook

her: valentine dinner?

me: wait what?

her: its valentine’s day isn’t it

me: how do you kn……

Ugh I really hate being forced to buy things because of a holiday someone pulled out their….a century ago.. whatever I’ll be nice.  Truth be told, I felt better about the dinner before I knew it was going to be associated with this lame day. Do things because you want to be kind, not because a day tells you too. Oh well guess Im doing the latter regardless. *shrugs*

Use the Calendar. Pages start from bottom to top/oldest to newest

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entry: 12-12-11 –  Playing pool with crowds and random visitors.

I was playing pool yesterday, and the manager/owner walks up, they start talking to Chen in chinese while looking at me. uh oh! Gonna get hauled away! here it comes! Then he goes in his jacket and pulls out a gold VIP card. Basically I no longer have to pay for pool EVER and they love and would enjoy to have my presence as much as possible. AINT THAT SOME SHIT. Never going back home screw all yall. I get treated right over here. *pops collar and dougies*

An hour later, I was playing pool against a random chinese kid and a crowd of 10 people huddle around us to watch. Damn, it gets pretty crazy being the only the black dude around here. I’m used to it, but sometimes it gets a bit insane. Also a random chick on the basement level noticed me and a friend were lost, she knew my apartment number wtf.

random situation this morning:

*wakes up to salesman *

salesman: nihao
me: nihao (in my thickest most accurate mandarin)
salesman: do you speak chinese?
me: *sarcastic stare* I speak perfect chinese (in my non sugar coated english)
salesman: *chinese rambling*
me: dui (yes)
salesman: *chinese rambling*
me: dui (yes)
salesman: *chinese rambling*
me: dui (yes)
salesman: *pause*
me: *blank stare*
salesman: walks away

Barbershop or Massage parlor? *chin stroke*

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entry–11/28/11
There are zero barbershops in Qingdao (at least that I’ve seen) edit: since this blog I have seen many barbershops and I go to one every 2 weeks to touch up my mohawk. However their are places that advertise as barbershops that are actually “massage spas” *ahem*  or massage spas that are *ahem*. And it’s not legal but it’s legal lol. They are every where. Also almost every hotel has a “barbershop”, yes I said almost every, that includes 5 stars, in fact, ESPECIALLY 5 stars. Who knew the big bad communist country was like Amsterdam. Jesus. Now where am I going to get an edge up? Maybe at areal massage place? lol
 

Anyways, today I discovered there’s a pool hall on the 1st floor in the mall attached to my apartment complex. I think I’m in heaven lol. What kind of luck is this?

 
I had octopus last night, it’s not that bad, it’s just tough, chewy and takes 100 chews, and the flavor is faint. Christina chomped on the head and had a mouthful of ink. She said that was the best part…..I declined.

octopus head

Spotlight day at my apartment complex

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A little about my place, it’s an apartment complex that’s literally attached to a mall with a supermarket in the basement level, next to the parking lot. Yes, this place is massive.

I’m always rolling through there and getting loads of stares but did 2 chinese girls really follow me around the supermarket?  hahaha. Once I noticed and pulled out my video camera, they approached me to take a picture. They were cool, turns out they work at the cigarette shop, so it was funny to find them there when I checked out and found them at the stand, they must have seen me roll through into the supermarket and followed me in there. They look fairly young, and act shy, but I’m not quite sure. We can’t communicate since they don’t speak a lick of english. Not everyones cool though, I got into a mad dogging contest with this loud ass broad on the phone. She broke out her cellphone right there in the aisle and had a loud conversation, then I move to one aisle and she’d reappear, phone in hand – I’m looking at her like wtf?? Why every aisle I go in???
Today was follow me around and stare day. I go into the mall to eat my lunch at a hotspot joint and my waitress Dolly, who insisted to be extra loud when attempting (but failing) to talk to me in English, kept attracting attention our way *sigh* lol. I upgraded my iphone OS, so none of my translators worked of course, what a day, what a day. I should also add, that one waitress (besides Dolly) and a waiter wouldn’t leave my side, of course that just drew even more attention. Today I wanted quiet time but it seemed like spotlight day. Now I understand what it must feel like to be a celebrity. It has it’s moments umph. Eh, This is China.

the mall downstairs from my apartment.

Umm in chinese sounds like “nigga”

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11/11/11

the pause ‘umm’ in Chinese sounds like “nigga” so you can imagine the first time I heard “nigga nigga nigga” during a conversation hahahaha. Anyways I’m nice and settled at my new place. Everything is complete. It’s a good feeling. Also I knew this day would come, but a chinese neighbor comes up to me, and says “you have big eyes”. I held my tongue.

 
I got to tour around Qingdao with my friend Chen. I met Chen randomly at a bank where he came up to me and started speaking very good english. It sort of threw me off, he started off with “What are you doing here?” I’ve come to learn this is a common question in China. It’s not meant to be disrespectful but rather they are quite curious and inquisitive people, so they genuinely want to know…what are you doing here? We started talking and he invited me to have lunch with him and his family who were in the car. They were real cool, his wife’s name is Christina, and they have a daughter name Cece who’s 10, very funny and active. They’re all characters who seem to give Chen a hard time, it’s quite comedic. I will get into them a little deeper in future posts, I’m sure. 
 
Such an amazing city. I can get used to this, but damn, driving in Asia is heart stopping. There are no such things as lanes, right of way or lights. And not a highway patrol insight. Insane!

Chen, Christina, and Cece