Stereotyping Dance

Me and my gf Claire were hanging out watching youtube videos when a chinese folk song came on, I proceeded to fan dance with no fans like so

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Claire bursts into laughter and tears

“What are you doing?!?!?”

Me: Chinese dancing *fan fan fan* *head tilt**fan*

Her: *rolls on the bed laughing*

Me: Hehe funny eh? How do black people dance?

Her: *stands up* *starts thrusting and gyrating her tiny asian hips*

:*D

Me: What is that?

Her: I dont know, that’s how it looks, like you’re having sex with air

LOL

In retrospect, she’s not wrong *shrugs* *starts twerking*

 

 

 

 

 

Chinese women and the art of 撒娇 (sa jiao)

There are many cultural difference which I have overcome over the years, some are easier than others, as they should be depending on the individual. In this blog, I will talk about the most difficult one for me, yes even more difficult than someone staring at me as if I am not of this planet.

撒娇 or sa jiao, means playfully pouting or flighty, but in chinese it doesn’t have the negative connotation as it does in the west. If you have any experience with chinese women, you have experience with 撒娇. It is ingrained in the culture, it is actually looked at as essential to feminism. Examples of 撒娇 would be pouting with your lips, making a child-like voice from time to time, basically acting like a teenage white girl from the valley after her father refuses to buy her clothes at the mall….actually, its pretty much like acting like a teenage spoiled valley girl from the burbs entirely. Everything from “Buy me this”, “I hurt my knee, look *pouty face*” “why do you love me?” (this question is asked once a week during the episodes of 撒娇), random out bursts and tantrums to get your attention, and so on.

As an american, especially a black american, this is difficult, because after H.S, after 18, you are raised to be like a spartan, independent, self-sufficient, strong, never showing weakness, never retreat, never surr….you get my drift. We learn (including the women, especially black women) very early that showing weakness can make you appear gullible, weak, immature, stupid, traits that aren’t associated with attractiveness in western culture, heck even complaining too much is an utter turn off, you’ll be called “soft” or a “lame” or in regards to women “airhead” “bimbo”. To the chinese man, it makes them feel masculine, to the american man it makes us feel like a pedo. When my gf is having her 撒娇, I try very hard not to be turned off, when she’s showing me an area that she burned while she cooked (no marking of course) with her pouty face and glazed eyes, I try to care, when she needs me to walk her to the bathroom at the lounge, I just go, when she has her random emotional outbursts, random jealousy and clingy episodes to test my emotional attachment to her, I remain calm, when she’s asking me why I love her for the 4345353 time, I just respond with the exact same generic answer. Why? because she’s chinese, this is her culture, I love her and thus ultimately this is what I signed up for.

Chinese sex

I was talking to a couple of girls about this topic. I asked them to tell me some words that chinese say during sex. After that I asked them what they thought about foreigners using these words and they said it was a complete and utter turnoff. I found that a bit strange since they sex talk in english when they’re with foreigners and I’ve not met a guy who was turned off by this. Hmm. When you ask a chinese girl which she would prefer from you (foreigner), she will almost always say english, and then when you ask them why they don’t sex talk in chinese, or you request it, they will almost always say “no!” “its strange!” ” nooo, you can’t understand anyways!” I think most guys get turned on MORE hearing a girl talk in her native tongue, I know I do….from spanish to french, heck even hebrew would turn me on more than them speaking english. Now if we could get chinese girls to be more open about sex talking in chinese….. and I allow me to say some words in chinese since I let them use english 😛

People ask me if I’ve ever been denied access into a place for being black or a foreigner

Yes I have. Not often, maybe once or twice in 3 years, but I have. Now before you assume China is extremely racist, let me put things into perspective. China used to be a bit of a  ‘hermit’ country, so they have a bit of xenophobia and are still learning to cope with globalization.

Me and my boy from London (white guy) got denied access into a chinese hostess bar. Typically I stay away from places like this, but we just wanted to see how weird it was – the door man  however, had other plans: access denied lol. I guess it doesn’t bother us foreigners that much because this isn’t our home, it’s not like its happening in OUR country, that would be a bit different. Out here, you kind of just respect it, like you know you may not have access to everything its their country and maybe culturally you being an outsider might not be able to stomp around where ever you want like you own the place, basically as a foreigner, you know you may have limited rights. They also have a history of invasion so they’re a bit uptight. On the flip side, you don’t want to really go places where there’s not SOME foreigners and you’re out numbered anyways. Girls + Liquor + Jealousy + Tribalism = Violence. This is why some westerners are always getting their asses kicked. I’m too street smart and been doing this for way too long to get caught up in that drama, but these fresh out of college kids don’t pay attention to their surroundings and think shit is like in the west, where you can just walk up to any ol girl and start making out, you gotta be careful because SOME chinese and koreans (not all but some, you know, swagless non female getting guys) are protective of 2 things; their women and their country. In some respect, the doorman was  probably saving our asses by not allowing us in and being outnumbered by 150 dudes.